Listening and Growing

Hello!

To begin, I want to apologize for the lapse in posts. Sometimes, it all gets too crazy to even be ready to write it all down. Also, I want to apologize for starting back up again in such a dismal place, but this is where I am, and this is what is important to record.
This week I am feeling overwhelmed. There is the stress of all the things that have to get done before winter break begins. There is the stress of packing for winter break's two trips within a trip. There are all sorts of little things that started my week off with me in a stressed out place. And then I recieved a load of constructive feedback. I know that we asked for the feedback, and I know that the feedback wasn't meant as any sort of statement about my failures as a human, but it's still hard to sit here with a list of all the things I've done wrong without a list of anything I've done right. So, as I've sat and grappled with all of that, I've written myself this little mantra (hence this truly handwritten quote). I am going to work diligently to see the positive opportunities in all of this feedback. I am going to connect to why I sought out the feedback in the first place. And I am going to be grateful for all of the beautiful change that lies ahead. Even if I have to write this down a few hundred more times to convince myself of that. -Megan

Feelings

Hello!

My feelings really ran all over the place last week. I felt a lot of stress and anxiety. There were a lot of really great and beautiful moments, but also moments where I felt intense betrayal. Overall, it was exhausting. Sometimes I think I shouldn't be having so many intense feelings all the time. And other times I think I should just feel whatever feelings I feel. And then I get overwhelmed by those conflicting ideas. So I found a lot of comfort in this quote. It illustrates for me how I can acknowledge and accept the feelings that I have without letting them take control of my life and the way I do my job. When I can focus on letting my emotions come and go, I know I will feel more stable and motivated at work. -Megan

Through Mud

Hello!

Right now it feels like I am stuck in a whole bunch of mud. My work is really hard right now. Even though I try my best day by day, it seems like I am trudging forward without much progress. From difficult moments with coworkers to diffcult moments with kids, there are times when it feels like there is too much weighing me down. I hope that this affirmation inspires me to keep moving forward. I know that one day, I'll bloom out of the darkness and be able to radiate into the world. In fact, maybe that's already going on, but I'm too stuck in the mud to see it. Either way, I know that when I have faith in what's coming, I can make it to the beauty that lies ahead. -Megan

Sincerity

Hello!

There are a million ways to mess things up or do things wrong when you're working with people, especially children. There are a million little things I wish I had done differently by the end of every day. And sometimes, that makes it hard to go back the next day. Sometimes I struggle a lot with the ways I could have done things better, and it makes me wonder if I had the right to do those things at all. I saw this quote, and it reminded me that it doesn't really matter if I regret the decisions I make. As long as I am acting with sincerity and doing the best I can, that is all that matters. I think that helps me live in the moment and helps me focus on getting better instead of wasting my time dwelling on my mistakes. -Megan

Reasons to Be Brave

Hello!

There are many days where work is hard and surviving the day feels impossible. And when that happens, I feel like I'm just not brave enough to come back the next day. Whenever that happens, I pause and reconsider. I realize that I'm not being brave so I can accomplish some selfish goal or glory. I realize I have to be brave for the kids who trust me and love me and need me to be there for them. So, even when I don't feel brave enough to come back to work on rainy Mondays like today, I do because the kids deserve it. They need me to face fear and uncertainty so that they have the opportunities and the confidence to make their dreams come true. And when I'm thinking of the little kids dreaming their dreams, I am fortified, and I am ready to take on another day. So here I am, looking out on another challenging week and knowing I can be brave for them. -Megan

With All My Heart

Hello!

It has been a little crazy here at work. I am feeling a little lost about how to help people who seem like they don't really want it. I am feeling overwhelmed and inadequate. At the end of long week, I desperately needed this affirmation about the value of my effort. I can be failing. I can be unable to find any of the solutions I need, but what matters most is my intentional effort. What matters most is that I am always seeking the success I envision. That I am always doing the best I can do, whether that's my very best or just the best I can do in that moment. And that I am always putting my whole heart into the things and the people I love and believe in. I know that I am capable of those three things, and I know that no matter the outcome, I can be proud when I have done those three things because that's the most I can do. -Megan

Stress & Smiles

Hello!

I've been feeling very stressed out lately. I have been really struggling with leading my team. I think back to the struggles I had last year, and they seem less overwhelming. And I think that's because last year, my struggles were with kids. Even in the most complicated and hectic of moments, there were still hugs and smiles and other sorts of warm fuzzy things to get me through the day. My team just isn't that cute. They're inspiring and dedicated and warm and fun, but they don't provide near as much daily gratification as my 4th graders did. Sometimes, it feels like I am only flaws. The weight of that can be imensely overwhelming. So, I'm working really hard to see my team in a new way. I am working to give adults the same grace and faith through the process as I did with my students last year. I am working to celebrate the little moments of unity and success with each team member. I'm working hard to figure out how all of my flaws are stitched together with good intentions. And mostly, I am working really hard to find the joy in this work when this work gets really hard. -Megan